Thanksgiving can be a time filled with warmth, family togetherness, and gratitude. For foster children, though, it may bring mixed feelings. The holiday might remind them of the family they’re missing or stir up feelings of uncertainty about being in a new environment. As a foster parent, you can help create a comforting and inclusive atmosphere this Thanksgiving, making sure your foster child feels safe and welcomed. Here are some ways to support your foster child during this holiday season.
1. Invite Them to Share Family Traditions – or Create New Ones Together
Thanksgiving traditions can feel unfamiliar or even overwhelming to a foster child. Consider introducing your family’s Thanksgiving traditions gradually. If your family enjoys cooking together or sharing what you’re thankful for, explain why these traditions matter to your family and invite them to participate if they’re comfortable.
Even better, ask them if they’d like to share a tradition from their background or previous experiences. Together, you could create a new tradition that they’ll feel connected to, whether it’s a specific recipe, a post-dinner game, or a family movie night.
2. Set Up a Comfort Zone
Large gatherings can be intense, especially if the child has just joined your family. If you’re hosting, set aside a quiet space they can retreat to if they feel overwhelmed, equipped with a few cozy items, snacks, or a favorite activity. Check in with them occasionally to reassure them they’re welcome to participate as much or as little as they want.
If you’re attending a Thanksgiving gathering outside the home, consider bringing along a comfort item they’re familiar with—whether it’s a stuffed animal, a book, or a favorite blanket.
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Thanksgiving is a holiday centered around family, and this may remind foster children of their birth family or previous foster placements. They may feel sadness, confusion, or even guilt if they’re enjoying themselves. Let them know that whatever they’re feeling is okay and valid. Foster open communication by sharing that it’s natural to have mixed emotions, and remind them you’re there to listen if they want to talk.
4. Give Them a Role in the Celebration
Helping a child feel like they belong often involves giving them a meaningful role. Let them know their contributions are valued by assigning age-appropriate tasks like setting the table, arranging centerpieces, or decorating. Ask if there’s a food or activity they’d like to add to the day. Simple choices, like what dessert to have or which board game to play, empower them and give them a sense of control and belonging.
5. Help Them Connect Through Food
Food is often the heart of Thanksgiving, and you can use it as a bridge for connection. Ask if they have a favorite dish they’d like to make, or even explore a recipe from their cultural background together. If cooking isn’t feasible, they could help set out snacks or arrange dishes on the table. It can be deeply comforting for children to know that their tastes, preferences, and background are welcomed and appreciated.
6. Encourage Small Acts of Gratitude – Without Pressure
Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but for some children, especially those adjusting to new placements, it might be difficult to express or even feel gratitude openly. Try low-pressure ways to encourage the spirit of thankfulness. A simple suggestion could be creating a “gratitude jar” where each family member writes something they’re thankful for on a small piece of paper. Let them know it’s okay to write about anything they appreciate, big or small—like a favorite toy or pet.
7. Prepare Them for Family Dynamics
Extended family gatherings may feel intimidating or overwhelming, especially if a foster child is meeting new relatives. Take time before the holiday to explain who will be there and prepare them for family dynamics they might encounter. If appropriate, consider letting close family members know a little about your foster child so they’re sensitive to the child’s needs. Be sure to let the child know they can always come to you if they feel uncomfortable or need a break.
8. Respect Their Boundaries
It’s natural to want to show affection, but some children may not feel ready for close connections. Let them choose how they want to participate and avoid forcing hugs or close interactions if they’re uncomfortable. Show that their comfort is a priority by respecting their boundaries, letting them know it’s okay to participate in their own way, and offering reassurance when needed.
9. Capture the Memories Thoughtfully
Thanksgiving can create beautiful memories, and it’s natural to want to document these moments. However, some children may feel uneasy about having their picture taken, especially if they’ve just joined your family. Instead, ask if they’re comfortable with photos, and if they’d prefer, let them be in charge of taking some pictures themselves. This can make them feel included in creating memories without feeling pressured.
10. End the Day with Reassurance
At the end of Thanksgiving Day, take a few moments to reassure your foster child of their place in your family. Let them know you’re grateful they’re with you and express how happy you are to spend the holiday together. A little affirmation goes a long way in helping them feel seen, valued, and included.
Thanksgiving offers a unique opportunity to strengthen the bond with your foster child and to create positive, lasting memories. By keeping their needs and feelings in mind, you can foster a safe, comforting, and inclusive Thanksgiving experience that makes them feel like a valued part of the family.
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